Revenge is a dish best served cold—or so they say. But if you ask me, it’s more like a dish with too much salt that leaves you a nasty aftertaste, dry, and crusty. The idea of getting even can be as tempting as jollof rice at a party (IYKYK) or an irresistible piece of cake, but the reality often leaves us feeling empty and unsatisfied. Today, let's unpack the allure of revenge, its consequences, and why letting go might just be the power move after all.
The Allure of Revenge
When someone does us wrong, the desire for revenge can hit us like unexpected traffic—frustrating and consuming. It seems like a way to reclaim our power and balance the scales. We've all seen those movies where the hero gets their sweet revenge and rides off into the sunset, looking flawless. I used to think I could achieve an astonishing level of success and rub it in the faces of everyone who doubted, belittled, or dismissed me. I worked hard, missed vacations, parties, and engagements with family and friends. I pushed people away just so I could earn their respect and make them feel the sting of my success.
But life isn’t a movie, and the only person I hurt was myself.
The Emotional Toll
Revenge is born from anger and hurt, emotions that can cloud our judgment and mess up our glow. When we fixate on getting even, we let these negative feelings fester and grow. The act of plotting and executing revenge can consume us to the point of ugliness and leave little room for anything positive or enriching. The obsession can prevent us from moving forward and trap us in a cycle of negativity, resentment, and mistrust.
For years, I lived my life for revenge. Spending time trying to "get back" at people who didn't have two brains cells to spare on me. Now I have to live with the consequences of those years of aggression, frustration, and distance toward those who truly loved me and wanted the best for me. Meanwhile, the people I was aiming my revenge at had moved on with their lives. I was stuck, my growth stunted by my own obsession to get even. There is no such thing as even. Revenge is never ending, time consuming, and draining.
The Ripple Effect
Our actions don't exist in a vacuum. When we seek revenge, the consequences can extend far beyond our immediate target. Innocent people can get caught in the crossfire, and relationships can be irreparably damaged, something I deeply regret. The collateral damage of revenge can ripple outwards, affecting our friends, family, and community.
I lost friendships, experiences, and opportunities because I wasn’t living my life for myself. Engaging in revenge can alter our sense of self, making us do things we never thought we were capable of, compromising our morals and values in the process. This internal conflict can lead to feelings of guilt and shame, further complicating our emotional landscape. However, I believe that our character is made up of all positive and challenging aspects of ourselves and accepting all aspects is how we grow and move on.
The Power of Letting Go
Letting go of the desire for revenge is not easy, but the potential for liberation is profound. Imagine yourself calm, peaceful and relaxed in your favorite place. You could feel like that all the time when you break free from the cycle of negativity and reclaim your emotional well-being. Forgiveness, though challenging, can be a powerful tool for healing. It doesn't mean condoning the actions that hurt us, but rather choosing not to let those actions define our future.
Forgiveness is an act of strength, not weakness. It takes courage to release our anger and pain, to focus on our own growth and happiness rather than on retribution. By letting go, we prioritize our peace of mind and well-being, choosing to move forward with a sense of compassion and understanding towards yourself and the person who caused you harm.
Closure
True closure, like beauty, comes from within. It involves processing our emotions, understanding our pain, and finding a way to heal that doesn't depend on someone else's suffering. This might involve seeking therapy, leaning on our support system, or engaging in activities that bring us joy and fulfillment.
It's also important to set boundaries (click the link to read my post on boundaries) and build wisdom to protect ourselves from future harm. Letting go of revenge doesn't mean becoming a push over or people pleasure. It's about finding a balance between self-protection and forgiveness, between standing up for ourselves and letting go of the past.
Conclusion
Revenge might seem like an appealing path to justice and closure, but it often leads to more pain and conflict. Letting go of the desire for revenge, on the other hand, offers a chance for true healing and peace. It allows us to reclaim our lives and focus on what truly matters: our own happiness and well-being.
All revenge does is stunt your growth. In the end, the best revenge is living a life of joy and fulfillment, free from the chains of anger and resentment. By choosing to let go and handing it to God (because trust me, they will get theirs without your help), we not only heal ourselves but also break the cycle of negativity, paving the way for a brighter, more wholesome and more compassionate future.
IF you have caught yourself in the crossfire, do not dismay and do not feel guilty. I recently heard Janelle Monet say these affirmations below. Repeat after me:
I love myself at and in every evolution, both beneficial and non-beneficial. Good, bad, or indifferent. I honor myself for operating in the fullness that I could at that time and space. I'm proud of myself for the bravery to grow. I'm proud of myself for finding tools and figuring this shit out. I will give my grace to figure it out. Grace to stumble. Grace to pause. I highlight and cancel all contracts and agreements that don't serve me for my highest good. I give myself permission to evolve as often as I need to and in any way that I need to without explanation.
My brother gave me this one:
I call my energy and power back from every person, place, or thing that has taken it from me without my consent. I call my power back to me.
Joy + Soul, certified sound therapist and founder of Joy Soul Wellness Foundation has the song: I Call My Power Back available on all streaming services. Check her out and take your power back!
Love,
C4C
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At Crowned 4C, we believe in nurturing beauty from the inside out. Our natural beauty products are designed to support your journey to healing and self-love. Share your thoughts and stories about revenge and letting go in the comments. Let's create a community of support and understanding, where we can all learn and grow together.
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